shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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