Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
