tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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