Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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