I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
