Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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