Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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