I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
