Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
