apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
