we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
