Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
