I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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