I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
