I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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