Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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