508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
