She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
