Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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