I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
