You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
