I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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