Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
