Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
