So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
