didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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