I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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