You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
