I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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