Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
