last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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