i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
