You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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