Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
