the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This is the prime rib incident all over again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
