Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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