Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
