Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
