we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
