Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
