how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
