my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
foreskin is a definite game changer
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
