I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
