she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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