Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
