I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He kissed a someone with a penis
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
