Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
