Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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