so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
