So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
