Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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