Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
