I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
